"You Should...."

I wonder why those two words, "you should..." simply makes me cringe. It might be a terribly misformed dna sequence that just makes my spirit burn and spark when I hear those words, or it could be a rebellion learned at the feet of authority as I tried to untie its shoe....

"You should..." never fails to make me miss the instruction that follows. "You should..." seems to be written in red ink, marking my mistakes and mismanagements, brightly highlighting my once-hidden ignorance. I don't seem to mind it when it is spoken in fun, with crazy ideas attached to it, but give it an authoritative spin...boom, I'm gone. Those are two words you won't hear me say to my students in my classroom.

I wish it didn't bother me as much as it does. And, to be fair, most of the time the speaker is absolutely correct: I really should. But what gives them the idea that I hadn't thought of that before and that I don't struggle with making myself do what I "should?"

Let's look at it together, shall we? The person demanding, "you should..." probably feels like he/she is giving me a gift of themselves.... of their knowledge, so to speak. Why do I feel smaller for it? More humble, less creative and certainly less powerful....? Could it be the spirit of the gift? Is it one of those things that gives strength to their insecurities, making mine more vulnerable? It is similar to when a sentence begins with, "did you know...?"

I don't know how many times I have bit my tongue and grinned, even if I have thought of exactly what I am being told to do, all by myself long ago. I politely say, "oh, good idea..." or some such inane comment that fuels a repetition of more "you should's..." It brings to mind some information I found about training a puppy. How is that, you might ask? Apparently, there is a lot to know when trying to be the master of a good pup. They have a "herd" mentality, and there is a definite hierarchy to their culture. It is imperative that we, as puppy owners, show that we are the "Alpha Dog"...otherwise we won't have a very peaceful cohabitation with our new family member and they will be running the show chewing and biting and running rampant, being an animal all over the place at us.

When we pick up a puppy, we need to make sure their front legs are tucked under our arms, with their chins resting on our forearms, otherwise they feel they are superior to us, and "we get no respect." Never let a newbie keep their paws on us as if holding us down, because that is exactly what they are doing. I know it sounds silly, especially if you have a tiny little cuddly puppy, but believe me, when your tiny little puppy weighs over 15 pounds at 12 weeks of age, you won't be wanting them to feel superior to you for long!

Those words, "You should...." seem to me like paws on top of me, holding me down. Like I am not a full grown alpha woman at all, but it puts me back into kindergarten when I was learning all kinds of things I "should" do. Maybe I am too far gone as a rebel, and there is no hope of redemption.... "I should" just buck up or go back to bed.