Rough Starts

Rough Starts. That's me. When I was a child, playing whimsical make-believe games even alone, I would often walk thru the woods, trying not to make a sound, like in the stories I read about the Indians who silently swept through the forests when our country was young. Placing my foot so gently upon pine needled ground, I made up names for myself, magnifying my skills and talents in them, like "Swift Deer Prancer" and "Beautiful Lilac" ... I know, but remember I was a kid. Nowadays, humbled by life, my name is more like "Rough Starts..."

I am no longer afraid of rough starts. Looking back, it seems all my beginnings were a "hard go.." but they all seemed to lead to some form of happiness or other. Leaving my parent's home, as a young idealistic bride, wanting to see the world and experience it "all" without knowing what "all" meant... I was hopeful. Well, my young husband and I had some memorable times, and unique experiences to start filling up our tool boxes with. I made the poor young man join an all-girl trapeze act for a bit, with a bunch of unusual and interesting people to learn about. For first steps, that was pretty cool. But, certainly not a smooth transition from our clean, modern parental environments into "the world." As things often go, I found myself on my own for the first time, embracing the possibilities, but stumbling around like a babe learning to walk again.

Time and time again, as endings occurred and beginnings bloomed, rough starts would cripple me for a while. I ended up as a single mom at some point, certainly not recognizing the girl who flew on a trapeze anymore. But with each rocky beginning, I worked it out and found my footing. Pretty soon, I am looking back, once again, at a place made smooth for resting, and feeling hopeful as the mountain rises again in my journey. I've come a long way... now I have muscles and brains and fortitude that I never could have predicted... and can tackle the next mountain with the never-ending hope of experience as my tool.

My next mountain is made up of a little pup named "Eris"... named, of course, after the Goddess of Discord. Honoring my son's choice, but with great disturbance in my soul, I tacked on the name "Harmony" as her second name, in hopes of turning "Discord" into "Harmony"... At the moment, being ten weeks old and only three weeks into coming home, little Eris is living up to her first name very well. My job is going to be challenging, I can tell. Her little personality is not similar to my previous beloved Airedales, but she is her own unique and active little girl. She is smart as a whip, but she has a rebellious and sassy little attitude that challenges me. It will be interesting to see how this little girl turns out. Our family has been tossed into a turbulent sea for the moment and we are all waiting impatiently for those puppy teeth to fall out and for our girl to mature. She has been good for my diet and exercise routine though... no time to eat, and constantly on the move...high-stepping over gated doorways, and chasing after garden tools disappearing under pine trees where Eris is hoarding "her" things. But I have high hopes for this "Rough Start"... I know we will wake up one day and realize that our gates are put away, and our home is loved and protected by this beautiful, loving girl we named "Eris." She is my mountain, but what a good life for the opportunity to climb. It is always wonderful reaching the top.


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Rough Starts

Stepping out into the world
seemed so easy at first...
Walking out the door, not looking back,
Not thinking to even wave goodbye.

Not long after the first gentle hill
rose a mountain.
Only a mountain, I say...
beginning to climb, unaware
that my feet were bare and I had no rope.

Scrambling, digging into rock
with dirt embedded in my nails
and sweat dripping from my brow
I climbed.

That mountain took years to climb.
Places of rest hard to find...
Looking back more often now,
wishing I had waved goodbye.

Upon reaching the top I noticed
tough skin on my feet...
Like shoes
Ah...I am forming a "soul" like a sole...
Tools collected from my climb
Muscles strengthed from
lifting myself up.

Doing a dance of joy at the open-ness of the sky
so high up in the air.
Raising my arms to the heavens
catching my breath.

As my eyes glance around
and the sun starts to set...
I see.
Another mountain faces me.