Parenting....

Human reproduction is the result of pure, raw nature. I have come to believe that "parenting" is, on the other hand, totally un-natural. I can hear my good, nurturing friends who are wonderful mothers object to this, but let me just remind you that I have always wanted to be a mother. Crazily enough, I wanted twelve children at one time in my life. The "un-natural" part comes when I tell you that I have just discovered that my yearning for children was really just "all about me." You see, we just got a puppy. My fault. I was yearning for one. The "yearning" is the natural "all about me" part. And, yesterday, I figured out why I was yearning for a puppy. It is because I am a parent.

Let me explain. I am teetering on the edge of my messy little nest, with my last baby bird pecking and pecking at me. My little baby bird is growing a sharp, painful beak and long legs with pointy knees, and his once soft feathers are becoming oily and changing to meet his own needs...in other words, I am perilously torn between pushing him out of the nest too early, or jumping off myself! I think God made us all to be naturally selfish creatures... and in order for us to live and thrive, we learn to take care of ourselves first. This is where "parenting" becomes un-natural to us. When we get past the "cute, sweet, baby" stages of our seed, there is a huge part of us that says, "quick...hide...they won't find us here!"

The other, smaller, part of us starts yearning for the old days when our children were small and soft...and still loved us more than any Nintendo game or even cell phone, ever created. So, we take steps to appease that craziness by having more babies....or getting a puppy. Then we start all over again, but too soon find ourselves in the uncomfortable position that traps us more solidly in the endless circle. And by this time, we are all so tired and grumpy, that we become a person totally different than the person we started out to be. Only this time, we have a filthy house with all the nice floor moulding and paint chewed up, and half grown people snapping at our heels, trying to think for themselves in a very obnoxious way.

Let me tell you about yesterday, then multiply it by all the numbers of every day of the next 7 years. You will see why it is daunting to me. My quiet 12 year old and his friend planned an after-school event yesterday. They started their end-of-grade testing this week, so they deservedly wanted to make it a good one. It coincided with the friend needing a place to hang out so as not to be lonely, too, so I'm glad it all worked out for them. Unfortunately, they failed to let me in on their great, well-thought out plan, and well... some things just are doomed from the beginning, I guess.

They were both excited to be picked up from school, and my careful son gave me specific directions on where to park and what time to be there. Being the good mom that I am, I worried about it all day afraid that I would forget to pick them up and then panic when he didn't come home on the bus. So I packed a book and went to the carpool line a half hour early... second in line, I scored! Then I waited. And waited. Now I was first in line. Then I was first in line AND last in line. Finally, I saw two boys that looked like my charges, meandering around, chatting unconcernedly ...and they walked past my waiting car clueless as to where I was. The invisible mom. It was 3:30. I had been there an hour. Rolling down my window, I whistled my own distinct, head-swivelling command. Skipping over, still chatting, they happily clambored in the back seat, full of the day and things to come.

North Carolina has been very warm and sunny so far this season. But the last couple of days were fraught with rain storms and chilled air. I wore my sweatshirt all this cloudy day, so was unprepared for the next bit of fun. My son's friend pulled a very handsome swimsuit out of his bag, exitedly exclaiming how cool his new suit was. Hmmm, I wondered... did they have swimming at school today? My heart was beginning to fall, just a little, with foreboding. We had a discussion on Saturday, when the boys went to the friend's neighborhood pool and had a blast...that maybe we should go sign up at the pool in the neighboring subdivision so they could swim near us on hot days, also. Mind you, this pool is not in our neighborhood, and we need to pay a non-resident fee to sign up for the summer, and a discussion is as far as it went. Yup, you guessed it. They planned to go swimming this very day at the pool that we know nothing about. Bummer. Not only was this a chilly, cloudy day, but we haven't a clue as to the schedule or fee for the pool....so I did what any lame mom would do: I said, "not today, boys."

My son usually takes no for an answer the second or third time. But together, they tortured me and belittled me and argued and showed all the pointy claws they had... to no avail. It did accomplish some very hard feelings all around though, and the rest of the visit pretty much was sealed. They cancelled their plans to go to TaeKwondo, which surprised me, since Seth LOVES that class... and apparently they wanted to be bored longer together. In the natural world, I would have certainly run away and found suitable pastimes to forget I even had twelve year old boys at my house. So, between dealing with the boys and taking care of two dogs, a cat, and a squawking parakeet... the teetering continued. Where were the soft, sweet little things that I endowed myself with out of yearning?

Today, I am debriefing, and I discover it isn't that bad. My puppy was so happy to see me this morning when I got her up...wagging her tail-end and moaning with happiness as she tried to chew on my ear.... Wicket stretched out and offered up his smooth, chubby little belly like no other....cat stretched and purred at me and rubbed up on my legs to say good morning.... bird sat and trilled a pretty song when I uncovered his cage... and the boy...well, okay, so the boy still didn't want to get up and was grouchy, but I know that will pass...someday. How do I know? I got a call from my older son, who is out in the world with his own yearnings being born. Full circle.... he loves me, he needs me... he understands now what it must have been like.... It gets better, and then I will soon be yearning for these days too. This is it. This is life, and natural or un-natural, I am going to try to embrace it.